


Give me the keys!

by MoonieMochi



Category: Naruto
Genre: Action, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Police, Alternate Universe - Police & Yakuza, Drama, Funny, M/M, Police, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:09:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28789251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonieMochi/pseuds/MoonieMochi
Summary: When Naruto joined the police force, he thought he'd be nabbing baddies left and right, a dark knight in a city full of criminals. Too bad he's stuck at his desk punching numbers for the actual idiots who are. Then, along comes Uchiha Sasuke.
Relationships: Hyuuga Hinata/Inuzuka Kiba, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	Give me the keys!

"Naruto." Obito passed by his desk, tapping the wood with a finger. "A word in my office, please."

The man in question sighed dramatically, logging out of his poorly-concealed game of solitaire. He was just about to get out of his chair when he heard the slamming of the office door behind him accompanied by loud cheering.

"We just nabbed our fifth bad guy!" Rock Lee strode into the office, one arm thrown over the shoulder of his partner, Inuzuka Kiba. They wore matching leather jackets embroidered with something meant to resemble a flame with slight curl at either end (check Anbu Tattoo) on the back. Needless to say, they were the most tasteless people Naruto had ever met.

Kiba lowered his ever-present aviator sunglasses to wink at Nara Shikamaru who only rolled his eyes in reply. "We're _heroes_ ," he said, emphasizing the last word. "Hey, Naruto!"

Naruto curled into himself at the mention of his name. "What?"

"How you doing?" The pair walked over to his desk and Lee slammed a hand on it. "You doing your part to ensure the safety of our wonderful city?"

"I'd be doing a much better job if you didn't just spill coffee all over my files." Naruto eyed the spreading stain with displeasure.

"Sorry about that," said Lee, not looking at all that sorry. "We're just really tired. After, you know, all the crazy thank-you sex we had. As a, you know, thank-you for our service to the city?"

"With each other?" Naruto deadpanned. "When I told you to go fuck yourself, I didn't mean it literally." He snickered at his own joke, but the humor was apparently lost on the duo who only looked at each other confusedly.

"Naruto!" Obito stood in the doorway of his office. "I'd like to talk to you sometime today, please."

"Ooohh." Kiba wiggled his fingers mockingly. "You're in trouble."

Naruto ignored the two and walked into Obito's office. When he closed the door behind him, Obito gestured to one of the empty chairs in front of his desk. The other was occupied by someone Naruto knew very, very well.

"Naruto, this is Uchiha Sasuke."

He looked up at him and pursed his lips. "We've met."

Obito blinked, apparently surprised by this turn of events. "Oh, have you?"

Sasuke nodded. "We used to date."

He nodded understandingly. "I'm sorry."

Naruto's jaw dropped before he could stop it. "What is this?" He asked. "'Shit-on-Naruto Day'?”

Obito cleared his throat uncomfortably, subtly shifting his calendar underneath a thick stack of files. Naruto pretended he didn't notice. "Anyways, I called you in here for a very specific reason."

Sasuke huffed, drawing his arms tighter around his chest. It was a nice chest, Naruto remembered. He missed that chest. "What is it?"

Obito tented his fingers, staring at the two worriedly. "I want to make Naruto a field agent." At the confession, Sasuke immediately sat up.

"No way."

Obito nodded. "Your other partner is in the hospital right now and neither your brother or Shisui are free. I don't really want you working on your own -not since the Great Pigeon Incident of '09- so I've decided to pair the two of you up, even if it's only temporarily." He sat back in his chair, almost as if he was waiting for one of them to blow up.

Naruto didn't say a word, too shocked by the sudden announcement. Ever since he'd entered the police academy, he'd wanted nothing more than to become a field agent. Unfortunately, his assessment marked him as someone who was absolute shit when it came to teamwork and didn't really respond too well to instruction. Now, the force was filled with meatheads like Lee and Kiba, idiots who were only in it for the glory and ability to wear matching jackets without looking like gigantic douchebags. "When do we start?"

"Hang on a second," Sasuke piped up, silencing Naruto with a wave of his hand. He bristled immediately, all too used to Sasuke cutting him off. "Why don't I get any say in this?"

"You do," replied Obito. "You can say yes and start now, or say no and get reduced to office duty."

Sasuke shuddered. "Okay, fine."

Obito swiveled his chair away from the duo, Naruto knewit had been a bad idea to chip in and buy him the damn thing last Christmas. "You're on duty now. I'll expect you to patrol the city. The Root Gang is up to no good again, and we want eyes on them."

Sasuke sighed, unfolding his body from its curled up position in the chair. "We'll see you later, Obito-Nii."

"Best of luck to the both of you."

Naruto followed Sasuke outside the office where Kiba and Lee had been listening the entire time. "You're an officer now!" Crowed Lee, who was immediately silenced by a glare from Sasuke.

"Shut up," he said grouchily. "I'm not in the mood to hear you talk right now." He directed the last comment at Kiba who took every opportunity to try and woo him, despite the fact that he was already committed to Hyuga Hinata from accounting. "We're going. Come on, Naruto."

"Good luck getting those bad guys!" Called out Lee. "Maybe if they see you, they'll laugh so hard, they'll just willingly give themselves in!"

As revenge, Naruto stole Lee's coffee from his desk and quickened his pace to catch up to Sasuke who was headed toward the parkade. "I hate those guys."

"One of those guys is your ‘best friend’."

"I especially hate that guy."

Sasuke didn't answer, pushing the door open. "I'm driving."

"No, I'm driving."

Sasuke stopped and turned around to face Naruto, swinging a ring of keys around his finger. "I'm the one with the keys so I'm driving."

"You're also the one who gets to hold the gun, so I'm driving." Naruto pointed to the weapon Sasuke usually held concealed inside his jacket. "It's called shotgun for a reason."

Sasuke tossed him the keys half-heartedly and they clattered to the pavement.

"Are you going to pick that up?" Naruto asked him, placing his coffee on the top of the car.

"No," Sasuke replied, gloomily opening the passenger door and sliding into the car. "You can pick it up."

Naruto sighed -for what felt like the fiftieth time that day- and bent down. Keys in hand, he made himself comfortable in the vinyl seat and put the key into the ignition before promptly freezing up.

"What's wrong?" Asked Sasuke, noticing his sudden change in demeanor.

"Nothing," he replied curtly.

Sasuke eyes narrowed. "Something's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong." Naruto began to sweat nervously, a bad habit he'd developed in high school and hadn't quite managed to shake since.

"Don't tell me…"

"Don't say it!"

"You're…"

"I'm not listening to this. I don't have to listen to this."

"…too short to reach the pedal?" There was a slight smile on his face and when Naruto reacted exactly the way he expected him to, Sasuke started to chortle.

"Oh God," Naruto put a hand over his face, "you said it."

"I can't believe it." Sasuke stared into the distance, stunned. The corners of his lips quirked up in a smile. "Do you want me to help you adjust the seat?"

"Go to hell," he grumbled, jerking the seat adjuster. It hardly moved and Naruto had to jam at the contraption several times. "Shit."

"Do you need help?" Sasuke watched him with an amused expression. "I can help you."

"No." Holding onto the wheel, he pulled the seat forward. "I got it."

Sasuke shrugged, leaning his head against the window. "Let's get going."

Contrary to popular belief -his belief, actually- Naruto was a terrible driver. It had nothing to do with his height (he’s only 3 inches shorter than Sasuke, damn it!) and absolutely everything to do with his road rage, lack of signaling, and tendency to follow incredibly closely behind people he thought were moving too slow. Throwing the car into what he thought was drive, Naruto slammed on the gas -apparently still bitter about the recent turn of events- and practically threw the car into the concrete wall behind them.

"Who the helltaught you how to drive?" Sasuke asked irritably, rubbing the back of his head. Looking up at the windshield, he let out a low groan. There was coffee all over it. "You forgot your cup."

"We've never talking about this again," said Naruto, this time, staring at the stick-shift before changing gears. He drove out of the lot with relative ease, though that was probably due to the fact that there were very few cars in there, and headed out onto the road.

The police radio crackled to life. _All units in the Konoha district area. We have the Root gang in pursuit. Suspects are driving a red van and are headed towards the corner of Amekura and Shinka._

"That's us," said Sasuke, tightening his grip on the handles inside the car. His body lifted a little off the seat with excitement and Naruto only rolled his eyes at him. "Put the siren on."

"It's under your seat."

"What do you mean it's under my seat? I thought all police cars came equipped with sirens."

"This is Obito we're talking about here," said Naruto. "He'd replace his own children with robots if it saved him money."

Grumbling, his new partner reached under his seat. Sasuke’s face twisted with disgust as his hands probably came into contact with whatever disgusting things previous officers kept under there. Naruto would have hazarded a guess as to rotten food, but when Sasuke drew his hand out, it was clean.

"There were tissues down there," he said, holding the light in his hand.

"A tissue box? Put it up here."

"I think I cut my hand on them."

"I really did not need to know that," said Naruto, making a particularly sharp turn around a corner. "Turn the siren on."

"Where do I put it?"

"I don't know." He stopped the car near the corner of Amekura and Shinka, alert and waiting for the red van to cross his line of vision. "Hold it or something."

"I don't want to hold this thing. It looks like a flashlight."

"Can you just shut up for a second?" Naruto gripped the wheel irritably. "I need to concentrate."

"What, you need your ears to look for a red van?"

"I'm not talking to you."

Sasuke huffed impatiently. "Apparently you do need your ears to look because you just missed it."

"What?" Naruto looked out the window and sure enough, a red van sped past them, followed by several other vehicles. "Shit!" Not having learnt his lesson, Naruto floored the car once again, throwing them into the middle of traffic as they pursued the red van. "The siren!"

"This is ridiculous." Against anyone's better judgement, Sasuke opened the car -while it was speeding, no less- and attached the magnetic bottom to the side. With one hand holding onto the inside handle, he used the other to flick the siren on.

"I see them," growled Naruto. Turning the wheel sharply, Naruto practically drifted in the middle of the intersection, following the red van into a smaller side street. Their car began to gain speed and soon caught up to the van. "Sasuke, your gun!"

Without even pausing to think, Sasuke withdrew the weapon from his jacket and once again, opened the car door while the vehicle was still in motion. Using one hand to anchor himself to the car, he aimed at the red van and shot once, twice, three times.

"Nice shot."

Sasuke blew the top of the muzzle almost dramatically. "I'm the best shot on the force," he said without a hint of arrogance. It was probably a fact anyways.

However, what the pair hadn't noticed was that the red van began to swerve from the impact of the bullets and without warning, it pitched forward and flipped. It rolled for several meters, finally coming to rest in front of a jewelry store. And then it burst into flames.

Frantically, Sasuke wrestled the wheel from Naruto and turned the car away from most of the damage. "Obito is going to killus."

**Epilogue**

Sasuke walked into the dark interrogation room and slung his leather jacket over the top of one of the metal chairs, making sure to expose his upper back and the coiling dragon tattoo that spanned the lightly scarred skin. Kicking the chair around to face him, he roughly stomped one foot on it and stared into the eyes of the interviewee. "Listen here, bud." His voice was low, but no less dangerous. "You're going to tell me exactly what I want to hear."

Tall man with pale skin and shoulder length grey hair, only smirked at him. "Not a chance, doll."

Rolling his eyes, Sasuke plopped into the chair, its back facing the table. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his trusty jackknife and began cleaning his nails. "You sure about that?"

The man eyed the blade in his hands wearily. "I have nothing to say to you."

"Oh crap," said Sasuke, apparently not listening to his prisoner, "I forgot to clean the blood off of this."

The man opened his mouth to begin speaking and would have probably told Sasuke everything he wanted to hear if the door hadn't flung open at that very moment. Naruto stood in the doorway, wielding a long, thin object in one hand. Strutting in, he slammed the door behind him and stood closely behind the man.

Sasuke glared at his partner, half confused by his sudden entrance, but mostly angry at his terrible sense of timing.

"Looks like my partner hasn't gotten you to spill," he said, leaning in near the man. "Guess you'll need some motivation." He waved the object in his hand and it was only then that Sasuke realized it was a curling iron, probably stolen from Sai in PR. "You see this?"

The man nodded slowly.

Naruto leaned in closer. "This is a new torture device," he whispered. "Only those of us in the Anbu of the force know about it." He held up the curling iron to eye level. "This can reach temperatures of nearly forty degrees. I wonder how that would feel up your ass?"

"That's a curling iron," said the man.

"No, it's a newly-developed torture device. And if you don't believe me, there's plenty of other things I can shove up your ass if you don't tell me what I want to hear."

"That's a curling iron. My girlfriend has the exact same one."

Sasuke felt the life drain out of him and slapped a hand to his forehead, slowly dragging it down his face. Sasuke could practically feel the heat of Obito's glare from behind the one-way glass situated to his right. "Naruto, a word."

Naruto stepped back from the man. "What?"

"What the hell are you doing?" Sasuke whisper-yelled at him, knowing full-well that the man was probably listening in on their every word.

"I'm playing the bad cop," replied Naruto. "Like we said."

"I'msupposed to be the bad cop. You're the good cop."

"That's not what I heard. You weren't listening again."

"I'm always the bad cop," said Sasuke. "I'm the bad cop and Neji's always the good cop."

"So what, we had two bad cops?" Sasuke scoffed at his partner. "What the hell are we supposed to accomplish with two bad cops?"

"If you two lovebirds are done arguing," the man chimed in, "I think I'd rather talk to the shorter guy with the curling iron."

"It's a torture device _._ "

Sasuke rubbed his temples, feeling the imminence of an oncoming migraine. "Listen here," he growled out. "I've had a really bad day."

"Haven't we all," mumbled Naruto, who was quickly silenced by Sasuke's ferocious glare.

"I got partnered with this idiot, I blew up a car using a handgun, and I lost my driver's license," Sasuke rattled it off like a list. "Not to mention the fact that I haven't been laid in three months and my brother's friend -the blonde weirdo- keeps bringing his boyfriend back to my place."

"That sucks," said the man, nodding sympathetically.

Sasuke slammed his hand on the metal table, eyes blazing. "It does. So do me a favour and tell me where your boss' hideout is and I won't shove that curling iron up your ass."

"So you admit it's a curling iron."

From his spot in the area just outside the interrogation room, Obito quickly picked up his papers and moved away, narrowly avoiding the metal table that came crashing through the one-way glass only seconds later.


End file.
